Proud

For those of you who read my blog, I must admit to you that I am a proud man. I don't mean proud like I am of my beautiful son or proud like when I accomplish something that honors God or blesses others. Not even proud like when I started shaving for real because I had to, not because I wanted to feel like the Brawny guy on my mom's paper towels. No, I am the kind of proud man that the Bible speaks against or warns of. I realized this past week that I am just flat out proud. Pride is a root. A cancer. An oil spill of the soul. A welcomed sniper. A hound of winter and I became pride's prey this week.

If you actually read my blog or have checked in recently, you will notice that I deleted a post. It was actually the last post I wrote. I don't know if anything in that post was all that inappropriate or if it was wrong of me to write it. I do know, however, that I needed to delete it. I initially felt that my thoughts and feelings were justified and that I had a right to post them. That still may be the case but as days went on, God began to convict me about it. When I say convict, I mean he began to illuminate what was in darkness. At first I thought it was just the echoes of rules or traditions I grew up in. I thought maybe it's just good old responsibility knocking at my door but as I listened and looked closer, I realized it was God bringing my pride out into the light. As the light shone brighter, I knew I could either push it back into the darkness or deal with it.

Even though I put an end to this one area of pride in my life, there are so many dark corners of my heart. Proud. It's not a title but the reality of my nature. However, my job is not to fix the old self, but to let it die and continue to become the new creation Christ has created me to be. I encourage you to search the darkness that keeps you from accomplishing God's best. You see, I think you can still accomplish good while being proud, but I don't think you will ever accomplish the greatness God has for your life if you don't kill the gunman on the grassy knoll. If you look close enough, the spotlight shines brightly. Don't push it back into the darkness. Deal with it.